Finding the right Title

For the longest time, I struggled with my problems not only because I had problems that impeded on my life but because I didn't know what was happening to me or what to call it. It was a phase that was never ending, without face, without name. I know I'm not alone when it comes to scared people fighting an unseen force and although it doesn't suddenly make the world go round - knowing exactly what you are fighting helps you to better arm yourself against the darkness. 

If you're not ready to seek medical attention from a professional, do yourself a favor and start researching what's going on in your life. Look up possible reasons behind your symptoms, take quizzes and tests on mental health to see if maybe you have a mental illness. Once you know what the dreaded demons name is, you can learn how to fight it, what precautions are required to improve your life. Learn as much as you can and input that into your day to day activities and if things aren't getting any better after a while, seek outside counsel. Talk to a friend or loved one, get some advice on how they think you should proceed. Make that appointment with your physician, tell them what's wrong, how you've been trying to change your predicament and how you now know that you can't fight the illness alone. Get help. 

Believe me, I know that you are scared. You're scared to tell someone, afraid of how they will see you, afraid of what they will think. Don't let these fears stop you from getting better. 

Take a look at some of the following links, use a few minutes to see how you score and do your research - in the long run it will help you. 

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/depquiz.htm

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/bipolar-self.htm

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/anxiety.htm

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/maniaquiz.htm

http://www.quotev.com/quiz/4357320/Do-You-Have-A-Mental-Disorder 

Feel Better Photography

This page is for pictures that make me feel better and hopefully make you feel better too.

P.S: I apologize for all the baby animal pictures but really, have you seen how cute they are?

*try and keep coming back to this post as I will try and update it once a week*

The Path to Dealing

Anxiety and Depression are two incredibly difficult and draining mental illnesses that take an insane amount of time and care into treating. 

In order to truly start treating your illness(es) you need to come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to be magically fixed overnight, regardless of how much you want the easy fix - there really is no such thing; you need to understand that this is going to be a life long struggle. Every day you are going to have to make the choice to fight the darkness. Some days it’s going to be an easy decision and farther down the road you're not even going to be thinking about making the choice, it's just going to be made the second you get out of bed and on with your day. But until then, you'll have to lay there for a moment and commit to changing your way of life, to commit to getting better. I know there's days when the commitment doesn't seem worth it and all you want to do is give up, crawl back into bed and call it quits and honestly, I think that on some of those horrid days you really should become one with your sheets and vow to never leave the confines of your room ever again. Now why do I think that you should do this? It's because there are good days and there are bad days, and then there are really really shitty days; and sometimes the only way of knowing the differences between those days is having spent time getting lost in them. Embrace every day, especially the shitty ones - lay in bed, cry your heart out and when you wake up the next day, vow that today will be better than the last. When you have the moment, where you've lived on the dark side and wished that you had spent your time in the sun is when you will really start putting care into making that decision to get better. Soon that choice every morning will come a little easier. Now once you've crossed the Choice hurdle don't expect a calm ride from then on out. Believe me when I say that your journey is only just beginning. 

Congratulations on making the choice to get up and fight, now reward yourself with a good healthy breakfast. Maybe some fruit and yogurt or a tasty protein smoothie? Now I know I’m pretty hypocritical when I say go healthy and trust me when I say I'm working on it and so should you. As much as you want a thousand cups of coffee and a pound of cereal, try and consider minimizing how much of that you actually have. Challenge yourself and switch things up. Have that cup of coffee but only one, drink herbal teas with honey instead of sugar, eat more fruits and vegetables. Go for that walk you might have dreaded. Take up mediation or yoga. Find a fun activity to occupy your down time, whether it be reading or painting or learning the guitar. Practice your breathing and positive thinking. Again, I need to stress that this doesn't have to all happen overnight. Pick one of these things or other activities that you think can enrich and improve your way of life and do it, do it until you don't even have to think about it, do it until it's natural and a daily occurrence - then pick your next obstacle and tackle that. Be consistent. Find your limits. Once you know what works and helps you be the person that you want to be, find a way to keep it in your life and that person will come more naturally. Eventually you'll find that there are more good days then bad, and soon the shitty days won't even exist. As long as you are willing to get better and you believe that it is possible, it will happen. 

The Path to Dealing isn't anywhere near simple. It's on a long, winding and narrow road that's going to last for a very long time. There are going to be moments where it gets easy and ones where it gets hard but as long has you hang on and stay dedicated to treating your mental illness(es) you will achieve the good life you dream about. It's real and waiting for you to catch up. All you need to do is make the choice and everything else will follow.  

We Chose

Choices.

Our entire life is made up of a series of choices. No matter how small it may seem, they change everything the moment we choose it over something else. We chose this life, it may be a good one, it may be a bad one but at some point we made a string of decisions that led us to our current position. Only us and our future choices are what matter, we can’t rely on other to fight our battles or to make our decisions – we can only use them as proof, for a life we want or one we don’t. On my quest for meaningful quotes, I stumbled upon Shannon L. Alder and her not-so-short quote on choices and how we decide the things that happen in our lives and only we can be held accountable for those choices and their outcomes.

You Chose

“You chose.

You chose.

You chose.

You chose to give away your love.

You chose to have a broken heart.

You chose to give up.

You chose to hang on.

You chose to react.

You chose to feel insecure.

You chose to feel anger.

You chose to fight back.

You chose to have hope.

You chose to be naïve.

You chose to ignore your intuition.

You chose to ignore advice.

You chose to look the other way.

You chose to not listen.

You chose to be stuck in the past.

You chose your perspective.

You chose to blame.

You chose to be right.

You chose your pride.

You chose your games.

You chose your ego.

You chose your paranoia.

You chose to compete.

You chose your enemies.

You chose your consequences.

You chose.

You chose.

You chose.

You chose.

However, you are not alone. Generations of women in your family have chosen. Women around the world have chosen. We all have chosen at one time in our lives. We stand behind you now screaming:

Choose to let go.

Choose dignity.

Choose to forgive yourself.

Choose to forgive others.

Choose to see your value.

Choose to show the world you’re not a victim.

Choose to make us proud.”

Strangers in the Night

It's when we didn't know we should have been holding on for dear life. It's when we are left with nothing but our broken hearts and crushed souls to mend all on our lonesome. It's when we wish we had had the chance to say our peace and have our second chances, in hopes that those few words and moments would change the current outcome. Leaving us, truly and so regrettably alone. We then regret every minute we ever had, because we spent those moments without truth and courage.

Distance makes the scars on our body and mind ache, begging us to right the wrongs and give our pains the help they need. But we can't. The moment for saving has passed and now we are alone and hurt. Only the voices in our heads retelling our failures and shortcomings in a new light as to drive the knife in deeper and deeper which each passing minute. We allow the pain to seep into our pores, we start to believe that it was meant to be, that our pain is punishment for being human. 

In Perks of Being a Wall Flower, Stephen Chbosky wrote "We accept the love we think we deserve." I think that this simple phrase extends far beyond love. We allow our minds and the opinions of others to fool us into living a certain life, believing certain things; we are pressured and ultimately changed by others not really knowing that we are compromising who we are. From an early age we comprise: get rid of the lisp, change the way we talk, loose a little eight, our hairstyles and clothes, go after a dreams that everyone claims are ‘worthy’ and a hundred other ways we change ourselves to better fit the picture instead of adjusting the frame to fit us.

We are perfect as we are. Amazing in our own skin, soul and personality and the moment we stop letting the world define every little detail about us may we begin to see the true magic in the world. The magic that stems from honesty, sincerity and integrity. Once we believe in the magic and the effects it will have in our lives, we will find our moment – our leap of faith – to return to a life where we can be the rightfully happy with our choices. No longer fearing the passing minutes as missed opportunities but creating our own redemption.

We started out as strangers in the night, hiding in the shadows and trying to find the truth. When we find it, we’ll realize that it was with us all along. We only needed to open ourselves to the possibility of redemption. 

Quotes Worth Knowing

The world is filled with words, phrases and sayings that I believe can change the everything and anything that there every was, we need only let it. The following quotes are ones that I've stumbled across and actively went searching for, they have endless meanings and I hope that with every one you read you learn what it's like to let literature change you for the better and the wiser.

T. McClean

"You're perfect the way you are, and if you want to change that, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, it just makes you more you, and that is all anyone can ever ask."

David J.

"Whatever you have experienced in your life is carved in stone. But today - at this very moment you have the power to make the shift from where you are to where you want to be. You are never stuck.. you always have a choice. You just have to give yourself permission to grow, to love, to thrive."

A. A. Milne

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think."

Bob Marley

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."

Mahatma Gandhi

"Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end up really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capability to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning."

Albert Einstein

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."

George Bernard Shaw

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

J. M. Barrie

"Never say goodbye because saying goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

Plato

"Music gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything."

Aristotle

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."

Gerard Way

"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person."

Hermann Hesse

"I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me."

J. R. R. Tolkein

" All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king."

Elvis Presley

"When things go wrong, don't go with them."

Jim Rohn

"The Worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing. "

Napoleon Hill

"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. "

William Shakespeare

"True hope is swift, and it flies with swallows wings."

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"People are like stained glass windows. They shine and sparkle when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."

Dejan Stojanovic

"Fly without wings; Dream with open eyes; See in the darkness."

Veronica Roth

'We both have a war inside us. Sometimes it keeps us alive. Sometimes it threatens to destroy us."

O. M. 

"Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don't know what's worse: downing beneath the waves or dying from the thirst."

Marcus Aurelius

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

Andréa Balt

"Your weirdness will make you stronger. Your dark side will keep you whole. Your vulnerability will connect you to the rest of our suffering world. Your creativity will set you free. There's nothing wrong with you."

Juliette Lewis

"The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die."

Dalai Lama XIV

"There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength'. No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster."

Corrie ten Boom

"Worries does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."

Ann Landers

"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it."

Eleanor Roosevelt

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of other and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls."

Ernest Hemingway

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

Rainer Maria Rilke

"Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it."

James Frey

“Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on.” 

Lauren Oliver

“You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear. I love you. Remember. They cannot take it.” 

Henry David Thoreau

“I was not designed to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion. Let us see who is the strongest.” 

Betty Friedan

“It is easier to live through someone else than to complete yourself. The freedom to lead and plan your own life is frightening if you have never faced it before. It is frightening when a woman finally realizes that there is no answer to the question 'who am I' except the voice inside herself.” 

Cassandra Clare

“Temper us in fire, and we grow stronger. When we suffer, we survive.” 

William Wordsworth

“Though nothing can bring back the hour, Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find, Strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy, Which having been must ever be...” 

Roman Payne

“You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.” 

Bertrand Russell

“Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin, more even than death. Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habits; thought is anarchic and lawless, indifferent to authority, careless of the well-tried wisdom of the ages. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid ... Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man.” 

Paulo Coelho

“And one has to understand that braveness is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to keep on going forward despite the fear.” 

Douglas Coupland

“We are all of us born with a letter inside us, and that only if we are true to ourselves, may we be allowed to read it before we die.” 

Louise Erdrich

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could." 

Your Forces and How to Use Them

On my journey to putting the pieces of my life back together, I have read many a self-help books and listened to podcasts on positivity and meditation - basically anything I can get my hands on to try and understand what I can and should be doing to make myself better. Most recently I read a guide to self-improvement novel by Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them, and while I found this author to have really captured mental health in his New Thought Movement, he phrased it in such a way that makes me believe that anyone who reads is work is forever changed and given the secrets of the world and the path to being the truest you there could ever be. Bellow there is a short exert from his guide Your Forces and How to Use Them and I hope that after reading just a small but amazing example of his work you are compelled to see just how life changing his literature can be your life. 

“Promise Yourself,

To be so strong that nothing

can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity

to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel

that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything

and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,

and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others

as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past

and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times

and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself

that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,

and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,

not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side

so long as you are true to the best that is in you."